Overwhelmed: COVID-19 Is Not the New Normal

Grateful for the sun while I work remotely;
though it's mighty chilly in this room lol

It has been three weeks since I started working remotely, and two weeks since I've stepped foot in a store or have seen a friend or loved one outside of the house. I'm so grateful to have Mike, and we've done our best to keep to as normal a routine as we possibly can with us both working from home. We set boundaries on work time, we take daily walks, we make meals together, and we have alone time and virtual time with friends. But despite this new routine we've settled into, I am feeling vastly overwhelmed. And I know I'm not alone.

Friends and colleagues have shared how overwhelming this "new normal" is, and one person this week said something so profound; it hit me right in the gut. It was something like:

"We're going about business as if everything is normal except for the fact that we're working remotely. But everything is NOT normal. This new normal is NOT normal. People are really sick. People are dying."

"Kindness counts;" "Spread love;"
"#bethechange"

I know people whose loved ones have fallen ill with COVID-19, some have lost lives. I have friends who are essential staff, many in the medical field. I worry about them and their families every day. It is a thankless job, and I appreciate their dedication to caring for sick people on a regular basis.

This is a serious pandemic, and I'm shocked at how many people are still carrying on as if this isn't a big deal. I'll admit, way back in January (god, that feels so long ago), I was one of them. I thought COVID-19 was all media hype. These days, it's hard to believe what's real and what's fake news. But, by this point, we should all recognize that this is serious.

I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the amount of time I'm spending on my computer, not just to perform the everyday functions of my job, but also for Zoom meetings, messaging with friends, virtual visits with my son who is isolated (safely) in another state. Then there's texting and phone calls and personal emails and social media, and I feel like my eyes are glued to a screen every waking moment of every day.

I've become that friend who flakes on people because I'm in the middle of something when someone contacts me, or I'm mentally drained and just can't handle anything other than the task-at-hand, and then I forget to message back—for days, weeks (what is time right now, seriously?). Anyone who knows me knows this is not my norm.

But we are not living in normal times, right now. So, I am being extra kind to myself. I am not beating myself up for needing to sleep in, even though that may mean not writing in the morning. I'm forgiving myself for not texting someone back in a timely manner. And yes, I am eating more chocolate. It's the comfort I need right now.

Thursday night "Cocktail Hour" with running friends

I don't mean for this post to be all gloom and doom. I have seen many wonderful things in my brief moments away from this virtual world.

I have seen sidewalk chalk messages and "bear hunts" in the neighborhood that let me know we are all in this together.

I have had meaningful "visits" with my friends on Zoom. 

I have had silly moments with my son on FaceTime.

I am reading Stephen Chbosky's newest book Imaginary Friend (though, it's beginning to feel like a premonition to COVID-19).

I am enjoying quiet moments on the couch with Mike drinking coffee before the world wakes up in the morning.

And I'm enjoying family dinners together every night, sharing highlights of our day, to remember that we can still communicate in real life.

Our first picture together as an official couple!

But I realized I need a bit more. I need to reset. Mike and I are taking Monday off work to celebrate our one-year anniversary. HOORAY! This seems like an opportune time to break from the virtual world to just live in the real world, despite how small "my world" is right now. So, I am signing off social media, the internet, my computer—hell, even my phone—until Tuesday. I want to take the time to celebrate the love we share with no distractions. I want to live in the here and now—even if it's just for three days—to focus on what's most important in life.

Our last picture together: working remotely!
(yes, I might be wearing pajamas)

Are you feeling overwhelmed? How are you managing during this stressful time? 

What will you do this weekend to recharge? Please post a comment below.

And please, stay safe, be well, and practice social distancing. Let's help end this pandemic!

Hey Valentine: You're the Run For Me

Mike: IllumiNITE Rochester Jacket
Sera: IllumiNITE Tahoe Jacket

I knew he was The One when he agreed to travel to Greece with me to run the Athens Authentic Marathon—his very first marathon—and then followed through by actually buying his plane ticket and training for the race. I fell in love with him while we trained side by side, running long stretches together, sometimes chatting, sometimes enjoying the silence. And I knew he loved me long before he said the words because he followed the new, restrictive nutrition plan I implemented and took our training schedule seriously. He ran every scheduled training run, including a few long distance runs without me because I was traveling for work.

While marathon training, we checked in with each other's physical and mental health on a regular basis. We made sure the other was getting the proper nutrition, getting enough rest, and stretching before and after running. We learned to rely on each other on the road or on a wooded trail. We reminded each other to drink water, eat food, and take walk breaks. We helped each other get through "bad" running days, whether physically or mentally. And we celebrated running milestones.

Sera: IllumiNITE Shortie,
Featherlite Packable Jacket,
Mike: Long Sleeve Warm Up Tee

When we crossed the finish line at the Panathanaic Stadium in Athens, both of us exhausted and sweaty and smelly and famished, I felt our bond strengthen into something bigger than life. Despite being much faster than me, he didn't leave my side during the entire marathon. We spent five-plus hours together, marveling at the beauty of a country neither of us had visited before. Five-plus hours keeping each other motivated, pushing each other to run our best but also slowing down when we saw the other struggling. Trust me, even though it was his first marathon while it was my tenth, I don't know how I would have finished without him. I was nauseous for twenty of those miles and struggled through many uphill stretches. He gave me the strength I needed, and the support, to push through to the end; his patience was unwavering. Five-plus hours of physical and mental exertion and exhaustion, and I still loved him. Hell, I still liked him; I wasn't even the slightest bit annoyed by him, not one bit. That's when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

Sera: IllumiNITE Powerstretch Pant
Mike IllumiNITE Mercury Run Tight

Reflecting on those five months of training together, I realized that the relationship we developed as
runners carried over into the everyday life of our romantic relationship. We're not afraid to try new interests. We support each other through the toughest of times, and we celebrate life successes, even the tiniest milestones. Most importantly, we respect what we each bring to the relationship.

Running with a romantic partner nourished a part of my soul I didn't realize needed nourishing. It taught me that communication is key to meeting each other's needs without comprising our own needs. That it's okay to be vulnerable, and then to actually be vulnerable. That I have a lot more to offer than I realized, and what I have to offer is desired and appreciated. That it's okay to rely on someone else—I've always been independent to a fault!—and that accepting help makes me a stronger person (It also makes life so much easier. Who knew?) It taught me that having a supportive, equal partnership is attainable—something I never thought possible.

IllumiNITE Men's Early Riser
in Hawaiian Blue

Most of all, it taught me that the love I always dreamed of really does exist, and it's worth waiting for. All the years of believing someone like me wasn't worthy of real love—believing that no one out there would ever want to be with a girl like me—believing that the type of romantic partnership I dreamed of didn't exist, was all just a lie that fear fed to me. It took me a long while to open up and be ready for love, truly ready, and then even longer to find someone who was also ready for love. In fact, it took me seven months before I even agreed to let my friend give her family friend my phone number, and another two months before he texted me an invite to coffee. Spoiler alert: he was worth the wait.


The History Channel states that “Valentinus,” the Latin word that “Valentine” was derived from, means “worthy, strong or powerful” (Who was St. Valentine?) And while I know there is much angst about the corporate intentions behind creating Valentine’s Day, I do believe that taking time to celebrate loved ones is a worthy act.

IllumiNITE Love Tee
20% off, February 14 only
15% of entire order always
with code RunBrightly15

So this Valentine’s Day weekend, I will wear my heart on the outside and watch it glow bright as I
celebrate the love I share and cherish with my life partner. I urge you all to find a special someone to go on a run with this weekend. Whether that special someone be your life partner, a new crush you've been dying to ask out, your bestest friend, or a new friend, there is just something magical that happens between people when running together. You become your most truest selves, and your heart opens to endless possibilities.

Hey Valentine, you're the run for me. Today, and always. I love you. 

Unstuffed: Digesting 2019

Goodbye 2019! New Year's Eve 2019

2019 was a very full year. Full of promise. Full of recovery. Full of hard work. Full of loss and sorrow. Full of love and joy. It took me all of December to fully process all I had gone through, to fully digest the year. Reset myself for a new year—a new decade.

So I took a hiatus from the virtual social media world to live in the here and now, spend time with my most cherished people, truly reflect on the roller coaster of twelve months, and prepare myself for some major changes. Looking back, I am amazed. Despite numerous setbacks and losses, I've achieved a lot.

RUNNING

I am still in shock at the steady progression of my running. In just one year, I ran two ultramarathons and two marathons in three different countries (USA, Scotland, Greece)! Whoa! Never in a million years would past Sera have believed that she would be an international runner.

Running Seth's Fat Ass 50k in December
Congrats on your 50k, Rich!
IllumiNITE Cold Weather Hood & Tahoe Performance Jacket

 I've run close to 1,000 miles for the year. I could have hit that 1,000-mile milestone, but in December I decided to cut back. Running two marathons two weeks apart in two different countries kind of did me in. So even though I signed up for Seth's Fat Ass 50k—a race where you run 10 loops of 3.1 miles—I only ran half of it. It was bitter cold, and even though my IllumiNITE clothing plus a bathrobe kept me toasty, I was so over winter running. Plus, there were sheets of ice over a large portion of the 3-mile loop, and I just didn't didn't have it in me to teeter across it for all ten loops. At mile 6, my hip was on fire and I was ready to quit. But I never give up just because something gets tough. So I made a deal with myself. I had to run at least half the course—25k. That felt like a reasonable distance to finish out my year of running. I completed 16 miles. I'm happy with that.

Sometimes taking a step back is the right thing to do. I found out a week later, my sciatic nerve was inflamed—hence the fire in my hip. I'm proud of myself for showing up, despite the 10 degree starting temperature, for pushing myself through it, and for listening to my body. So, ALMOST 1,000 miles for the year is fine by me, especially since I got to see miles and miles of Scotland and Greece by foot. Wow, what a year for running!

WRITING

Avenue A Books, the imprint I managed, launched in the Spring with three picture books and one middle grade graphic novel. All in all, I worked on 12 projects before my colleagues and I were let go. I feel blessed to have worked with so many talented children's authors and illustrators. And I learned so much in my role as acquiring editor! I am ever so grateful to the kidlit world for teaching me everything about children's publishing along the way. I'm so proud of all the books I worked on, and I'm beyond proud that the middle grade novel I fought for—the very first project I acquired—was nominated for a Cybils Award. If you haven't read Alexis Vs. Summer Vacation by Sarah Jamila Stevenson and Veronica Agarwal, go read it now!

Love my handmade, black sheep wool
writing gloves from Tarbert, Scotland

It was the best career I ever had—so far. I'm still mourning this loss, but being unemployed gave me the freedom to find my own creativity again. As much as I loved, loved, loved working with authors and illustrators on their projects, I didn't realize how much it zapped my own creativity. I got swept up in the glamour of being on the other side of publishing—the side that makes dreams come true—that I forgot my own dreams.

I'm grateful for the four-month unemployment stint that allowed me to reconnect with my writing. I'm even grateful for the two weeks I holed myself up in my apartment, staring at the walls, racking my brain, trying not to rip out my hair, as I delved back into the fictionalization of my memoir. I may have gotten a few more grey hairs from the process, but this precious time allowed me to fully actualize my characters, plot, and timeline. It's not easy fictionalizing a life lived. It took a while for my brain to wrap itself around an altered timeline with altered people and events. But now these people and their journeys live inside me, and I couldn't be more excited to get them onto the page to share with the world.

See, I've been trying to fictionalize my memoir for two years now, but nothing I tried gave me that epiphany moment where everything clicks until now. I'm a firm believer that with loss brings opportunity, so I cherished that beautiful, temporary break from work. And although it was often tough to keep my faith that all would work out career wise, I treasured the abundance of creativity that flooded through me. I found my Muse again, and I'm so happy she's back. I've missed her so much, and we've been nonstop talking since. Thank you, Universe! Sera is back! 

ILLUMINITE

Night run with my girls!
IllumiNITE Tahoe Performance Jacket
& Cold Weather Hood

A very exciting happening in 2019 was my partnership with IllumiNITE, a Massachusetts-based, family-owned apparel company. This partnership allows me to combine two of my greatest loves: running and writing! And now I can do both in style! I've had way too much fun trying out their different designs! I feel so much safer running in the woods and on the road at night knowing that I am lit up as brightly as a neon sign. I have so much fun talking with other runners (and hikers and walkers) about IllumiNITE's apparel. And if we're being totally honest, I love being so fashionable at races without losing comfort or performance! Thank you, IllumiNITE, for believing in me, and for all your support in my running efforts! I'm so excited to see what's to come for 2020!

LOVE

We found these two hearts on the same
hiking path in Santorini

They say, whoever "They" is, that you find love when you least expect it. I've always rolled my eyes at that statement. It feels like an excuse you tell people for why love is unattainable. But I now see this phrase in a different light. I've been slowly hoping for love, working on myself—what I want, what I don't want, what my own issues around love are, and how to change negative patterns—but I never expected to actually find a healthy, loving relationship. I thought it just wasn't out there, not for me. I thought I had to accept that I would always be single—or settle for something less than.

But then I found love, or perhaps it found me, or perhaps it was just waiting until I was ready and he was ready—truly ready—for love. And I realized least expect it doesn't mean going about my business and bam! Love hits me out of the blue. Rather, I just didn't expect it to happen. I didn't even realize love had happened, not at first, until I went to visit my friend Mary in California. I told her I had met someone, and after talking for a while, she gasped. "Sera, are you in love?" I was so caught off guard by her question. We were sitting on the beach, and I stared out at the ocean waves for a few minutes pondering. "Yes," I said. "Oh my god. Yes, I am in love." I hadn't said such words in two decades. But I knew it to be true.

One of my all-time favorite books/movies is Perks of Being A Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky). The line that kills me every time: "We accept the love we think we deserve." It wasn't until I I searched deep down inside to figure out what love meant to me, what type of love I wanted, and to convince myself I was worthy of such love that I found true love. It's a love I never experienced with anyone. It's a love I've been searching for my entire life and never quite knew it because I didn't know it actually existed. Hence, I least expected it—especially now that I am in my 40s. But here love is, FINALLY. I feel so blessed. 

A New Focus

A symbol of our love

All of these changes in 2019, both good and bad, have helped me shift my perspective on what is
important to me. The career path I was on, the romantic path I was on, the go-go-go-too-busy-to-think path I was on took me away from the life I always dreamed of. It took a FULL STOP to help me reset my priorities, remember the life goals I've always wanted but somehow forgot about. I feel blessed to be starting off this new decade with a new career that enhances my creativity, a supportive life partner by my side, and a closer bond with my family. It might take some time to adjust to this new focus in life. But I'm ready for it.

Sometimes our dreams get sidetracked by shiny distractions along the way. Every now and then, the Universe tarnishes these shiny things so we can better see what's right in front of us—the path we're meant to travel. Time to take that next step back to the Sera I've somehow lost.


What did you learn in 2019? And what are you hoping to change in 2020? Please share your comments below! Happy New Year!